


Introductory Seminar on Paranormal Activity and Investigations

by yasaman



Category: Community
Genre: Ensemble Cast, Gen, Ghosts, Humor, air conditioning repair annex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-19
Updated: 2012-12-19
Packaged: 2017-11-21 13:22:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,600
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/598236
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yasaman/pseuds/yasaman
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"It all started with weird noises in the air vents." Alternatively, Troy and Abed hunting ghoooooosts!!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Introductory Seminar on Paranormal Activity and Investigations

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ladyofjest](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ladyofjest/gifts).



> I hope you enjoy this, Ladyofjest! One of my favorite parts of Community is how meta it is too, so I tried to play with a different television genre for Community, and one that the show itself hasn't yet explored. Plus, I also love Abed interacting with the world via narrative conventions, so I was thrilled to get your request. Hopefully I did it justice!

It all started with weird noises in the air vents. Considering the vents were home to a wild monkey and occasionally a Chang, this was not immediate cause for alarm. True, the Dean had attempted to rid the vents of their unwanted inhabitants last year, but both Annie’s Boobs and Chang were crafty, and it wasn’t outside the realm of Greendale possibility that they had returned to their natural habitats. But with the latest spate of clanging and thumping and weird noises from the direction of the vents, Abed’s unerring sense of Greendale’s current narrative genre took a few decisive steps towards “horror movie.” It was a welcome change from the study group’s trip into the land of cupcake-based reality competition thanks to the Dean’s Cupcake Competition and Cotillion, winner Magnitude, who had displayed a heretofore unknown talent for impressively detailed fondant sculpture, and a laudable dedication to branding with Pop Rock-filled cupcakes (they “POP POP in your mouth!”), so Abed decided to roll with it.

“Hey guys, have you noticed all the weird noises in the air vents?”  
  
Jeff looked up from carefully scraping off the frosting from his Green(dale) velvet cupcake (which only won second place for team study group, despite Annie’s revival of the diorama with a cupcake diorama) and said, “It’s probably just Chang and Annie’s Boobs. The Dean ran out of monkey gas to blast through the vents.”  
  
Troy took Jeff’s frosting and added it to his cupcake. “I asked the air conditioning repair guys, and they were all weird about it. I think they’ve got some sort of crazy ritual going on in the vents. I’m gonna have to make sure they’re not, like, doing blood sacrifices in there or something.” Troy looked briefly concerned before devouring his double-frosted cupcake in one bite.  
  
“Troy, gross! Isn’t anyone else concerned about Greendale’s creepy air conditioning repair cult? I thought you were going to make them act like a normal school.” Annie looked disapproving, and was joined with back up disapproval from Shirley and Britta.  
  
“They are creepy. It’s nice that you’re their messiah, but it’s also blasphemous,” said Shirley.  
  
“You’re going to get a messiah complex, Troy! In my psych class, we learned—” As per usual when Britta mentioned her psychology classes, she was interrupted by the study group's groans.  
  
As Britta pouted, Pierce scoffed, “Troy being some sort of repair man messiah? Yeah right. Now, being a level six laser lotus in Reformed Neo-Buddhism, that means something.”  
  
“Listen guys, it’s fine. I’ve gotta ease them into the whole not being a creepy cult thing. I can’t just destroy their whole world! I’m sure it’s nothing!” Troy smiled reassuringly at everyone, and the conversation moved on to what would happen if you drank soda after eating Magnitude’s Pop Rock-filled cupcakes.  
  
With the element of creepy mystery thus introduced, Abed thought the study group’s latest potential adventure was off to a promising start. They’d already done a ghost story at that creepy haunted mansion, but there were a lot of horror tropes still left to explore, and Abed felt a certain morbid excitement at the thought that the study group might make their way through a horror movie. The study group’s time at Greendale was approaching its natural end after all. If he wanted to have more adventures with his friends, he had to fit them in the remaining semester and a half. And as a bonus, maybe he could finally film some of the Air Conditioning Repair Annex’s bizarre rituals. Based on what Troy had told him about it, there was the potential for some serious Twin Peaks or The Shining style horror right there.

* * *

That night at their apartment after dinner, Abed broached the possibility of filming while Troy talked to the air conditioning repair annex students about the noises in the vents.

“Like, a documentary? You’ve already done one of those though. And y’know, the AC repair students are pretty secretive, I don’t think they’d want anyone filming them if it’s not for a commercial where they pretend to be a completely normal trade school.”

Abed had briefly considered lying to Troy about why he wanted to film Troy’s meeting with his air conditioning repair minions by saying it was for another documentary. Troy was usually pretty anxious when it came to horror movies (“the black guy always dies at the end!”), and Abed didn’t want to scare him. But Troy almost always supported his work, and after the Blanketsburg v. Pillowtown war, Abed knew he couldn’t just ignore Troy’s contributions to his work.

“Actually, I was going with more of a horror movie. What kind of horror movie depends on what we find out. I’m thinking there could be some seriously weird and creepy The Shining style stuff happening with the air conditioning students.”   

Troy’s eyes widened. “Like, blood from the walls and creepy staring twins weird and creepy?”   

“I don’t know. I want to find out though. And if you can sneak me in to film or get a hidden camera in there, no matter what crazy thing happens, you’ll have proof.”

“Then people would believe me about black Hitler and the paninis!”

They worked out the plan: Troy would take a secret camera in during his classes and film all of his interactions with the air conditioning repair annex students, and would then let Abed in after hours for some exploring and more filming. Then they’d know if they had a horror movie on their hands, or just the air conditioning repair annex’s usual Lynchian weirdness. Abed wasn’t exactly opposed to taking this the David Lynch route, but the noises in the vents just didn’t have the same weight as who killed Laura Palmer when it came to mysteries. No matter what, it was bound to be fun, thought Abed. They could even use the caper kit again!

* * *

Clips from Abed Nadir’s documentary _Greendale Ghost Adventures_ :  
  
[The scene opens on TROY’S face in closeup, out of focus, with indistinct shapes in the background. The camera’s focus adjusts, and TROY’S face is clear, with the entrance to the Air Conditioning Repair Annex evident in the background. TROY’S eyes dart around his surroundings nervously before settling on the camera. He speaks to the camera in a hushed voice.]  
  
TROY: So, I’ve got the hidden camera, and I’m about to do some investigating in the Air Conditioning Repair Annex to figure out what the creepy noises in the vents are.  
  
[The picture tilts and moves as TROY hides the camera.  ABED is briefly visible as ABED and TROY share their signature handshake. TROY walks into the AC Repair Annex, and the picture bumps along, giving a limited view of the hallway in front of TROY and the AC Repair students walking around. TROY stops one of the students.]  
  
TROY: Hey man, what’s up?  
  
[The STUDENT looks alarmed and a little in awe of TROY.]  
  
STUDENT: (in an awed, quiet voice) The Truest Repairman! (more normally) Uh, I mean, Troy. Hi.  
  
TROY: Yeeeaah, hi...I was just wondering, have you been hearing any noises in the vents lately? Some other Greendale students have mentioned it, and I figure my fellow AC repair students would be on top of it.  
  
[The STUDENT immediately looks shifty and faintly terrified. He fidgets, and his eyes dart around in a panic.]  
  
STUDENT: Noises, what noises! There is absolutely nothing going on in the vents and you absolutely should not go to the sun chamber at night!  
  
[ANOTHER STUDENT overhears and drags the NERVOUS STUDENT AWAY.]  
  
OTHER STUDENT (faintly): Can’t you keep your mouth shut? We can’t bother the Repairman with these things!  
  
NERVOUS STUDENT (almost inaudible): But it felt so good to tell someone!  
  
TROY (to the camera): So, that was weird.  
  
[A “pssssttt!” sound is audible. The picture moves as TROY looks around for the source of the noise. AC Repair student DENNIS beckons from a classroom doorway, and TROY approaches him.]  
  
DENNIS: Have you SENSED it?! Repairman, do you understand what is happening?!?  
  
TROY: Calm down, Dennis. Are you on coke again? Sensed what, what’s happening?  
  
DENNIS: The spirits are displeased! The halls of the Infinite Labyrinth of Eternal Ice MOAN and SHRIEK with the UNQUIET VOICES OF THE DEAD!!!! Repairman, we must appease them!  
  
[A thumping noise comes from the vents in the classroom. DENNIS lets out a strangled scream, and flees the room. TROY follows him outside, but has already lost him in the sudden crush of students outside.]  
  
TROY (shouting): I thought I told you guys you had to act like a normal school now! And where the hell is the Infinite Labyrinth of Eternal Ice anyway?!  
  
[The air conditioning repair students fall silent, and the scene fades to black. The words “11:00 PM THAT NIGHT, GREENDALE COMMUNITY COLLEGE AIR CONDITIONING REPAIR ANNEX” appear on the screen, and then we see ABED’s head in the foreground wearing his BATMAN costume, with TROY wearing his uniform in the background by the entrance to the AC Repair Annex.]  
  
ABED (in his BATMAN voice): It’s time to discover what dark deeds the Air Conditioning Repair Annex is perpetrating in the innocent vents of Greendale Community College. They can hide in the vents and they can hide from the Dean, but they can’t hide from justice or Batman, and I’m justice. And Batman.  
  
[TROY motions to ABED to join him, and the picture moves to show TROY and the hallway as they enter the AC Repair Annex. TROY and ABED make their way to the SUN ROOM. As they get closer, an ominous chanting is audible.]  
  
AC REPAIR STUDENTS: In the name of the five winds: east, west, north, the one we keep secret, and south, we beseech thee oh forefathers—-  
  
[TROY and ABED arrive at the door to the Sun Room. TROY peeks in, gestures at ABED to follow him, and sneaks into the Sun Room. The camera’s picture goes dark for a moment as it adjusts to the darkness of the Sun Room. A group of students kneel in front of a portrait of the late Vice Dean Laybourne. The Repair Annex’s CHAPLAIN stands before them holding a repair manual. He looks solemn and mildly terrified.]  
  
TROY (whispering): Oh great, now what crazy ritual are they doing? I hope this is just like a memorial for Laybourne.  
  
CHAPLAIN: Dearly departed Dean, forgive your wayward students for they knew not what they did! We have heard your spirit’s cries in the vents of Greendale! Tell us what we may do to appease you!  
  
AC REPAIR STUDENTS: Tell us!  
  
[Silence. Then a thumping noises come from the ceiling and the portrait of Vice Dean Laybourne shakes. The students gasp, and then scream when the portrait falls off the wall.]  
  
CHAPLAIN: It is a sign! He has turned his benevolent face away from us.  Students! To the Infinite Labyrinth of Eternal Ice for the atonement rituals!  
  
[The students wail and moan as the CHAPLAIN leads them out of the Sun Room. TROY and ABED file out with them at the end of the line, and the video ends.]

* * *

“We couldn’t follow them into the Infinite Labyrinth of Eternal Ice without getting caught,” Abed explained to the study group as the video cut out.

“Some day I’ll make them tell me where the hell that is!” said Troy.

The study group was silent for a moment. Annie looked around the table with concern. Abed couldn’t tell if she was concerned about the potential haunting of Greendale, or if she thought he was just being crazy again.

“We kind of already knew the air conditioning repair students are really weird, Abed. Was there something else you were trying to show us?”

“That Greendale might be haunted, of course. I think we should investigate.”

“Is it bad that all things considered, I don’t think it’s completely insane that the air conditioning repair people think Greendale is haunted by Laybourne?” asked Jeff.

“I ran into Chang earlier today when I tried to interview him for my psych paper. He said he was hearing moaning and stuff in the vents, but I thought those were just his auditory hallucinations. But maybe—”

“Okay, if Chang thinks the school is haunted, then it is a completely insane idea,” interrupted Jeff.

“Why don’t you ask Starburns if he’s heard anything? He’s always around at weird hours.”

Shirley let out a small “oh dear,” and a fraught silence stretched out as everyone tried to non-verbally communicate which version of the “Pierce, are you finally going senile?” conversation they should start and who should be responsible for it. Abed and Troy put their fingers on their noses to indicate that it wasn’t going to be them. Shirley and Britta looked both uncomfortable and sympathetic, but Shirley shook her head firmly when Britta opened her mouth. Annie and Jeff were engaged in a heated and frantic exchange of meaningful looks that were either communicating who had to break the news to Pierce or venting their mutual sexual frustration, Abed couldn’t tell which, when Pierce interrupted crankily.

“What? What did I say?”

After one last glare at Jeff, Annie pulled Pierce duty. “Pierce…Starburns is dead, remember?” she said gently.

A clattering noise came from the vent in the study room, and everyone jumped in their seats.    

“Doesn’t mean he can’t still be walking around, apparently,” Shirley muttered.    

“I’m not crazy! I just saw him the other night.”   

“So either Starburns or Laybourne are haunting Greendale. Really, that’s what we’re going with?” said Jeff.

“Pierce, are you sure you haven’t mixed up any of your pills lately? Or maybe you took too many again? I know you get confused sometimes, but you can always ask us for help.” Britta smiled encouragingly at Pierce and put her hand on his. He snatched it back with a glare.   

“I know what I saw! It wasn’t the pills, and it’s not because I’m old! I left my stupid history book here that night before our essays were due, so I came back to get it. I saw him at the end of the hallway, and then he just disappeared.”   

“And you didn’t think that was strange or worth mentioning?” asked Jeff.   

“He didn’t look like a ghost or anything. He was sneaking around like he always did. And I knew you would all just accuse me of being old and crazy and put me in an old people home!”   

“I’ve heard that sometimes ghosts are stuck in the patterns of their old lives, and they don’t even know they’re dead,” said Shirley.   

“Of for the love of—Greendale is not haunted. There is no such thing as ghosts! And Pierce, we are not going to put you in an old people home. Yet.”   

“Greendale has seen a lot of death lately,” intoned Abed.

“The Glee Club was murdered. If anyone was haunting the school, wouldn’t it be them?” Annie was clearly coming around to the idea of a haunted Greendale. Shirley and Britta were looking increasingly interested too.    

Troy turned to Abed and said, “You know what this means, buddy?”

“Time to get out our ghost hunting gear.”

* * *

That night at the apartment, they put together their ghost hunting adventure kit. Okay, so strictly speaking, Troy and Abed didn’t have specific ghost hunting gear. But based on some quick internet research, Abed figured they could cobble something together. Mostly it was just Abed’s film-making gear, plus some new special equipment for filming in the dark that he’d been meaning to get anyway. Also, he, Troy, and Annie were watching a marathon of Ghost Adventures for research, and frankly, ghost hunting didn’t look too hard so far. After all, the slightly dim-witted hosts of Ghost Adventures just ran around trying to contact spirits in dark abandoned buildings while shrieking at random noises and shadows. The study group could definitely do that.    

Abed had to admit, he hadn’t really been prepared for this. He’d been hoping for a brief, Blair Witch Project handheld camera sort of adventure, or maybe something surreal and disturbing in the Air Conditioning Repair Annex. Still, it had promise. He just had to get the rest of the study group on board. Most of them hadn’t been that enthused by the idea of an actual ghost hunt.    

Annie, though, was definitely enthused.  On a break from their Ghost Adventures marathon, she watched them put together the ghost hunting kit with wide, Disney princess-like eyes.  If Annie really was on board, then she could deploy that impossible to resist look on the rest of the study group, thought Abed.    

“So, you guys are really going to go on a ghost hunt at Greendale?”

“You want in?” asked Troy as he fiddled with a digital recorder.   

“Yes! Why wouldn’t I?”

“It’s just that you’ve been really busy lately. You didn’t go with us to that Inspector Spacetime convention, or watch that Lord of the Rings extended editions marathon with us, or help Abed with his last movie.”  

 “And you weren’t here when we made our Hogwarts-themed dinner. The pumpkin juice was actually pretty tasty.”   

“I’m sorry! It’s just that I’ve been really busy with my classes this semester, and volunteering at the hospital. I mean, we’re getting close to graduating, and we’re all focusing more on school. I barely even see Troy any more at Greendale, he’s always at the Air Conditioning Repair Annex!”   

“It’s okay, we’re growing apart. Our time as a study group is coming to its natural end. When we graduate from Greendale, we’ll probably meet for lunch or dinner every so often, and like each others’ Facebook statuses, but that’s it. Eventually, we won’t see each other at all. I’m just hoping to get the most out of the time we have left together. A ghost hunt seems like fun.”   

Annie made an outraged noise and protested, “That is not true! We’re a family now, we don’t just abandon each other.”   

“Jeff’s father abandoned him, and my mom hasn’t come back for Christmas.”

Annie looked stricken, and Troy glared at her.  
      
“Buddy, we’re not going anywhere. I don’t know about the rest of the study group, but you and me? We’re solid, okay?” They exchanged a solemn handshake.    

“Troy and Abed—”   

“And Annie!”

“Hunting ghoooooosts!”

* * *

A couple of days later, Troy, Annie, and Abed went forward with Operation Greendale Ghost Adventure.  The strange noises had continued, and Troy reported that the Air Conditioning Repair students were walking through the halls flagellating themselves with wires and plugs as some sort of penance for upsetting the spirit of the late Vice Dean Laybourne. Chang had completely abandoned the vents and was roaming the halls muttering dire things about the unquiet spirit of Starburns. And Garrett had become even jumpier than usual, shrieking at any sudden noise. It was clear that something had to be done. With the study group meeting that night to ostensibly study for their midterms, it was the perfect time for a lock-in and some serious ghost hunting.    

Abed wasn’t entirely sure why being locked in at Greendale for a night was necessary for a ghost hunt, but Ghost Adventures was clear on the procedure. A ghost adventure required investigation, talking to the witnesses, then being locked in the allegedly haunted building for a night to commune with the spirits. They had the first two parts covered, more or less.  So Troy asked the janitor to lock them in for the night after assuring him that they weren’t going to stage another paintball war or blankets versus pillows battle, and Abed set up his stationary cameras to capture any paranormal activity. Now they just had to tell the rest of the study group about Operation Greendale Ghost Adventure.   

Everyone was packing up to leave the library when Shirley helpfully brought the subject of Greendale’s ghost up.   

“Troy, Abed, did you end up going on your ghost hunt? You’ve been awfully quiet about it. Suspiciously quiet,” she said, narrowing her eyes.   

The lights in the library suddenly went out. Abed had to admit, he couldn’t have timed it better. Granted, he hadn’t exactly planned on the lights going out.

“Did you ask the janitor to cut the lights, Troy?” whispered Annie.   

“No! Did you, Abed?”   

“No. I’m guessing it’s one of the Dean’s cost-cutting measures. It’ll really make our ghost adventure more authentic though.”

Annie and Troy let out relieved sighs at the completely logical explanation, and he could hear them rummaging around for flashlights in their ghost hunting kits.    

“Okay, that’s great, you guys have fun with your little ghost hunt. I have better things to do with my night.”   

“Sorry Jeff, we’re locked in. We’re not getting out until we find the ghost. Or at dawn, whichever comes sooner,” said Abed.

“You’ve locked us in a haunted school!?”   

“There’s no such thing as ghosts, Britta! And we’re stuck here all night?! What the hell, Abed?”   

“We should not be messing around with spirits and demons,” said Shirley anxiously.   

Jeff was somewhat more upset than Abed had anticipated he would be though, and he didn't let the subject of surprise Operation Greendale Ghost Adventure lock in drop so easily. Abed handed out flashlights to the rest of the group, and Jeff flicked his on angrily.   

“Abed, you cannot just lock us in here. I get that we’re all about to graduate and go our separate ways and maybe never see each other again once we’ve returned to our pre-Greendale lives empty of meaningful human connection, and that’s scary, but trapping us is not the right way to deal with your anxiety issues!”   

Everyone shone their flashlights at Jeff in surprise, and a brief awkward silence followed as he squinted defensively at the sudden bright attention.

“How does that make you feel, Abed?” asked Britta with wide eyes. It was her new favorite question in any even slightly emotionally fraught situation, and the study group’s groans had not dissuaded her from asking it. All the same, everyone’s flashlight beams swiveled to Abed for his response.

“Actually, this isn’t really about my emotional issues. I can see why you might think that, given past events, but really I just want to film a ghost hunt. I know that we’re graduating soon, and that we might naturally grow apart once we aren’t bound together by the artificial constraints of Greendale. Even if we don’t grow apart, we’re probably going to be a lot more busy. So I guess I want to have more adventures before that happens. But I’m not actually interested in literally trapping all of you, this isn’t the darkest timeline. Either we’re the kind of family that stays together, or we’re not.”

“I may not be a psychology major, but Jeff honey, it sounds like maybe you’re the one with some anxiety issues,” ventured Shirley.

“Do you need a hug or something?” asked Troy.

“Group hug time! Clearly we need to be more open with our affection to overcome Jeff’s daddy issues,” said Britta.

The study group attacked Jeff with a hug despite his pointless protestations. After a few seconds though, they were interrupted by a thumping noise coming from outside the study room, and the hug turned into more of a clinging clump of mutual fear and alarm.

“What is that?!”   

Jeff sighed and said, “Ghosts, apparently. Alright then, ghost hunt it is.” Despite maintaining his reluctance, Jeff did look less tense. Maybe they should attack group hug Jeff more often, thought Abed.

“Ha, this will show you all, I’m not just old and crazy!” said Pierce.

“If we don’t find ghosts or some other explanation for your seeing Starburns, you are definitely going to an old people home,” replied Jeff as the study group disentangled itself from the group hug.

“So we watched a lot of Ghost Adventures to prepare for this, and we have a plan. We have to talk to the ghost and figure out why it hasn’t moved on. But ghosts can’t talk to us directly, they have to do this EVP stuff where cameras and recorders and stuff can pick up their voices. It’s, like, science or whatever.” Troy said as he handed out the digital recorders to the group.    

Annie continued, “We’ll start by going to likely locations of spirit activity. Chang thinks it’s Starburns in the vents, so we’ll start by following those. I think it’s the murdered glee club, so then we’ll go to the choir room. And the air conditioning repair students think it’s Vice Dean Laybourne, so we’ll go to the repair annex last.”   

“But why would Starburns be haunting the school anyway? We gave him a memorial, and Abed made him that video. We fulfilled his last wishes!” said Shirley. Abed had known she would make a great addition to the ghost hunt.   

“Well, we did also kind of turn his memorial service into a campus revolt,” said Jeff.    

“Are we going to split up?” asked Britta.

“Well, if we wanted to be completely accurate, we would, but Troy said he’s watched enough horror movies to know that never ends well, especially when there’s a black guy and a sexy blonde involved,” replied Abed.   

“Troy, you think I’m a sexy blonde?”

Troy ducked his head bashfully and nodded, and Britta looked touched. Jeff and Pierce rolled their eyes.   

“Okay, everyone have their flashlights and recorders? Abed and I are going to do the filming. Just follow our lead when it comes to talking to the ghosts, okay? And let us know if you feel any dark energy or see a ghost or whatever,” said Annie.

Fortified with their ghost hunting gear and Annie’s organizational skills, they entered Greendale’s darkened hallways.  
  
Abed took the lead to watch for any paranormal activity on his camera, and the study group followed with varying degrees of interest. Pierce seemed to have already broken his recorder, and Shirley looked like she was brandishing her cross necklace like a weapon.   

“Starburns—I mean, Alex—are you here? Are you haunting Greendale?” asked Annie.   

Everyone stayed silent for a moment. “Troy, check the recorder,” said Abed.   

Troy played back the recording, and everyone strained to hear anything other than their own recorded footsteps and the crackle of static.    

“Maybe we need to enhance the audio,” said Abed.   

Britta took a shot at communing with Starburns’ spirit. “Starburns, we’re here to help you. Tell us how we can help you move on. Why are you still here?”   

Again they paused and replayed the recording. There was nothing but an indistinct crackle.   

“Ooooh, I think I heard a voice!” said Shirley. They played the recording again, and everyone but Jeff huddled around Troy to listen.   

“Yeah, no, it’s nothing. Because ghosts do not exist. Are we seriously stuck here all night no matter what?” asked Jeff.   

“Yes, now stop complaining,” chided Annie before asking Troy, “Do you see anything in your camera, Abed?”   

“No, just the light from our flashlights,” replied Abed.   

“This is lame,” complained Pierce.   

Just then, a skittering noise came from the direction of the walls and vents. Annie and Troy squeaked and everyone wheeled around to face the noise. Britta held her recorder out gingerly, and said, “Tell us, Starburns! How can we help you?”   

“Annie’s Boobs, is that you? Come out right now, you hellish little monkey!” shouted Jeff.   

“It’s definitely coming from inside the vents,” said Troy.  

“Someone should go inside to investigate. Maybe Starburns’ spirit is trapped in there!” said Britta.   

“Why would his spirit be trapped—you know what, no, I am not engaging with this insanity. It’s just the stupid monkey.”   

“I’ll go in,” said Annie grimly. “Troy, open it up and give me a boost.”   

Annie wriggled inside the vent with her camera, quickly disappearing from view. They could hear muffled thumping and scuffling noises as she made her way through the vents.   

“Can you see any spirits?” asked Shirley.    

“No! And nothing on the recorder either!”   

“I’ve got nothing on the EMF meter,” said Abed, consulting his equipment.   

“Wait, I think I see something! Ugh, I think it’s one of the monkey’s little piles of stuff. Oh gross, I think he poops in here, that’s got to be some kind of health violation…”   

Suddenly, Shirley gasped and pointed at the opposite end of the hallway. “Oh my lord, it’s a ghost!”   

Everyone’s flashlight beams converged on where Shirley was pointing, and a figure was briefly visible before it darted out of view.   

“I’ve got him, I’m zooming in!” said Abed as he ran toward it.   

“What? What’s going on out there!? You guys!” said Annie.   

Abed only got halfway down the hallway before stopping. “Damnit, I lost him. And there was nothing on the EMF meter.” He returned to the rest of the group and showed them the shaky footage he managed to get.   

“Abed, play that back,” demanded Jeff.   

Everyone (except for Annie, still indignant in the vent) huddled even closer around Abed’s video camera to look at the display. 

“I’ve zoomed in as much as I could.”   

Abed stopped the playback on the figure that appeared briefly before disappearing.   

Jeff squinted at the footage and exclaimed, “Motherfucker, it is Starburns!”  

“Ha, I was right!” said Pierce as Shirley and Britta gasped.   

“Wait, look! He doesn’t have his star burns.”   

“Jeff’s right, he doesn’t,” said Abed, looking closely.    

“What kind of ghost gets a haircut?” asked Shirley.   

“Uh, guys?” came Annie’s voice from the vent. “What does meth look like?”   

Annie’s head popped out of the vent again, her hand awkwardly poking out with a ziploc bag full of some crystalline substance.   

“Ugh, does this mean Starburns faked his death?” Britta sounded both disgusted and disappointed.   

“Well, he’s locked in with us now. Starburns! We have your meth! Get out here, you asshole!” shouted Jeff as he helped Annie out of the vent.

After a few tense moments, Starburns, now sans eponymous star burns, creeped back to the end of the hallway where they could see him. He was dressed in an ill-fitting suit and looked dusty and pissed off.    

“ _My name is Alex!_ ”   

“Yeah whatever, you big faker. We grieved for you!” said Britta.   

“Well, not really, but I did a whole video tribute,” added Abed.   

Shirley looked both offended and relieved, and said, “And we had a very touching memorial service too!”    

Jeff took out his phone, and handed it to Shirley. “Call the cops. You, Starburns, are coming with us,” he said, taking hold of him in an ungentle headlock.   

He struggled fruitlessly and whined, “Oh come on, can’t we just agree to forget about this? Just give me the meth, and it’ll be like it never happened!”   

“Were you really the ghost all along? It was just you making the noises that were freaking out the air conditioning repair students? I guess this was Scooby Doo, not _Ghost Adventures_ ,” said Troy glumly.  

“And I’d have gotten away with it if it weren’t for your meddling study group! The whole air conditioning repair school really thought I was a ghost! I could have got the meth back and no one would have been the wiser!”   

“Did you not remember where you left it or something? Why have you been banging around the whole school this past week?” asked Annie.   

“That stupid monkey took it and it’s been hiding it all around the school! I had to keep sneaking in to look for all of it,” replied the student formerly known as Starburns.

“Well, at least we all know I’m not old and senile now.”

“You’re still old, Pierce,” said Jeff, rolling his eyes, as Annie rummaged around in her ghost hunting adventure backpack.

“Aha!” she said, pulling out a pair of handcuffs.

“Annie, why did you bring handcuffs on a ghost hunt?” asked Troy.   

Abed peered at her backpack with interest. “Did you bring the chloroform too?”   

“I just thought we should be prepared! And they were left over from the caper kit. Here, we can cuff him to the library doors until the cops get here.”

Criminal turned ghost thus dealt with, the study group walked back to the study room and left Starburns-now-just-Alex to fume.   

“Do you have the janitor’s number Troy, or are we stuck here until he unlocks the doors?” asked Britta.   

“We could have a sleepover,” suggested Abed, a suggestion which was met with enthusiasm (Troy, Annie, Shirley, and Britta) and fake grudging acceptance (Jeff and Pierce).

Brief ghost-related excitement already on the way to being forgotten, the study group fell into friendly chatter as they returned to their study room. Abed supposed he should have considered the possibility of this latest adventure turning into what was more or less an episode of Scooby Doo, sans talking dog. Troy had seemed  disappointed though.    

“Sorry we didn’t really get to expose much of the Air Conditioning Repair Annex’s weirdness. Or that we didn’t really get a creepy ghost story.  

“It’s okay,” said Troy with a sigh. After a moment of silence, he brightened and said, “Hey, we can probably still edit the footage we have into something super creepy!”

“Huh, you’re right, we probably can. What were you thinking of doing with the footage?” asked Abed.

As Troy went into an animated if slightly scattershot explanation of his vision for a short Greendale horror movie, Abed reflected that he was completely satisfied with the way Operation Greendale Ghost Adventure had turned out. He was learning to let go of his desire to control the narrative. Things mostly seemed to go better when he did.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to my beta, [dropsofviolet](http://archiveofourown.org/users/dropsofviolet/pseuds/dropsofviolet)! Any remaining errors are all mine and are probably thanks to my inability to stop fiddling with this.
> 
> Ghost Adventures is indeed a real show on the Travel Channel. It probably won't convince you that ghosts exist, but it is kind of hilarious.


End file.
